(Repost from 8/20/08)
Today I got to thinking about the way my life has turned out so far. I seem to do that a bit more now, since we are leaving this all behind for a time. I wonder if thinking back is harmful or healthy? Anyway, I started thinking about how my life is probably not the best advertisement for the grace of God, or his eternal love, etc. I don't claim any kind of sainthood based on what I have accomplished for Jesus. To be even more blunt, I can think of a few people who probably point to me and say I'm the reason why they don't like Christians. Among the people of the earth who God might use, I am the least of those.
By all logical standards, I am no good for this thing that I am trying to do. I don't even feel particularly "called" in the evangelical sense of the word. But something in all of this won't let me turn from this path. Paul's first letter to the Corinthians has something relevant to say to this. "For the wisdom of the world is foolishness in God's sight..." I usually apply this phrase to everything done in the public sector these days, but it has a personal twist this time. I have to keep my mind tied to the thought that God's strength is what will keep us going over there. My skills, intellect and endurance, while admittedly significant (read: sarcasm) are only helpful if I rely on the X-factor: God's sustaining grace.
To define that thought further, I think I should define what I mean by "God's sustaining grace". One of the most important aspects of God is that he provides things for his people that they do not deserve. So if I bring whatever I've got to serve God, he multiplies my efforts in spite of my failings or general weaknesses. Therefore, I can go and do in confidence, even though I may not have any confidence in my own ability or spiritual readiness. That is the beautiful thing about believing in something bigger than yourself: there is ALWAYS hope.
caleb
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